11th July 2017

I was having a really nice time travelling solo around the world but now I have come back to England because my mum said I had to come home and tidy my room and I was so mad about it that I didn’t want to see anybody at first so I didn’t tell anyone I was back. If you saw my post on Facebook about the home-made pig doing a sharp turn around a corner that I made for my dad, you may recall the claim that I had given it a steering wheel to ensure that it made it from Australia to England in time for Father’s Day but that was a false claim. The pig was, in fact, a representation of my dad collecting me from the airport two days before Father’s day.

Pig Car

After everything I’d been through just to get back home to close a cupboard door and pick up a safety pin and clean sock off the floor, I needed some time to myself to figure out where I would go from there but I am okay now and it turned out my mum had only said that to trick me into coming home because her and my dad missed me and it really worked because I really didn’t want to get in trouble. I am happy that I came back though because I missed them. They are really good; once when my friend and I were talking to someone online, I asked my dad if he would curl up on the sofa and pretend to be asleep so we could show the person on webcam and say “This is my pet dog. He is cute, isn’t he?” and he actually did it and sucked his thumb which was his own idea. It was so funny and then once I asked my mum to knit me a monkey with cymbals for my birthday and she actually did. They’re always actually doing stuff. They are so great.

We are always smiling loads when we spend time together because we have got the cymbals.

I really missed my snakes, Stanley Shimwell and Brother Basil as well and I know they had missed me too because they kept saying “sss” to me when I first got back and they still do now sometimes. I really wanted to listen to Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush again too because I had forgotten to put it on my iPhone before I went travelling and listening to it on YouTube all the time had started to make a noticeable impact on the amount of data I was using. I am also really happy to have been reunited with all of my jewellery, shoes and clothes again because they are so nice but I ate too much food and didn’t exercise enough to compensate while I was travelling so now none of the clothes fit me anymore. I can’t go for a run because someone stole my running shoes while I was drunk and sleeping in the movie room at a hostel but luckily I have been reunited with all of my gym equipment so I can just exercise inside and go for walks until I can afford to buy new running shoes. I can’t make use of my weights again just yet because I have temporarily lost the use of my left index finger. I was so excited to be reunited with all of my cooking appliances that I accidentally blended my finger when I was making a delicious curry and had to have it glued and Steri-Stripped back together at the hospital and it’s still too sore to grip anything but that is what I get.


I knew that I would gain weight when I went travelling because I wanted to take advantage of every opportunity to try unfamiliar food and even familiar food in unfamiliar places for comparison so even though they have carrot cake everywhere in England, I wanted to try it in lots of other places too. My brain kept saying to my brain, “You are travelling so it is okay, just try the carrot cake”. As expected, it was pretty much the same everywhere I tried it, often disappointing but as I took the first bite out of the last slice of carrot cake I ever ate in Australia, I knew that my carrot cake consumption journey had not been in vain. I’d bought it from a Vietnamese café in Perth and I wasn’t sure what to expect. The obsession started when my sister made a really nice carrot cake a few years back but the trouble is that it was so good that now I am comparing every carrot cake I ever try to that one and they rarely come close. The aforesaid carrot cake, however, had everything I could have hoped for. Most importantly, it was moist and not only was it moist but it contained all perfecting elements: walnuts, visible strands of carrot and soft, gooey raisins (there are many people who consider raisins an abomination but I think they are just suffering from a childhood association with the daily inclusion of Sun Maid raisins in their packed lunch boxes from when they grew teeth until they started secondary school). The cream cheese icing on the cake was the icing on the cake and the icing on the cake was topped with the most delicious oxymoron of all: a whole walnut half.

This photo does not do the cake justice; I swear it was the second-best carrot cake I have ever tried.

The experience and knowledge I have gained are worth the temporary requirement for a rotation of only three outfits left that fit me. I had a really nice time all over the world and I ate some really nice carrot cake but I am not sad to have ceased travelling because I couldn’t be bothered anymore. I have some business to attend to but then I will be turning all of my travelling diaries into blogs and you can find out about other food I ate if you want. I ate some pretty grim food like fermented stingray and pig stomach but we will talk about that later, along with the activities I took part in and people I met.

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